When relationships end, there is often a period of relief, adjustment, and emotional discomfort.

When the intensity of the break up escalates instead of diminishes, you may be experiencing limerence.

To step out of the limerence cycle, there are important steps to consider.

Identify your emotions. In limerence, you are in love with an idealized version of someone instead of the real life person. What feels like genuine connection, isn’t. Instead, it is rooted in unmet emotional needs. Your emotions are a great place to start. What are you feeling? What do those emotions tell you about you (what matters to you, what you value, etc.)?
After identifying emotions, ask yourself “what do I need?” And “how can I meet this need?” Exploring your emotional needs is important because they existed before you met this partner.
Notice your thoughts and kindly remind yourself that thoughts are not facts. No one is ideal. See if you can focus on the here and now. If your ex tells you they are done with the relationship, believe them.
Stop contact. If possible, you may need to unfollow, block, or restrict your access to the former partner. Your attachment wounds are fresh, and though you are intensely drawn to your ex’s every move, it isn’t good for your healing. If the ex is a coworker and a cut isn’t possible, keep a ‘professional distance’.
Offer yourself kindness and self-compassion. Would someone else feel as you do? Yes - we all experience distress and suffering. Offer yourself kind words to help you in moments of overwhelm.
Reach out for professional support as needed. Some of these difficult issues are prolonged if we try to DIY them.
Work on developing a life outside of the object of your obsession. How’s your sleep? Are you eating in a way that nourishes your body? What other friendships can you develop? Are there hobbies you could spend some attention on?
If it feels helpful, imagine your future self about 5 years from now. That version of you is emotionally regulated, and confident. They know how things worked out and how good life is on the other side of this distress. Create momentum in yourself by imagining a beautiful future where you are fulfilled and happy.

If you need support making changes stick, I am happy to work alongside you.